1. Shi-raz

Shi-raz 
n 
A black grape, grown mainly in Australia and South Africa, used for making red wine. 
Encarta® World English Dictionary © 1999 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved. Developed for Microsoft by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc.

Life leads you. You’re born and instantly all of these events and people come into your life which lead you down path or another. For me, it was making people laugh. 

I was five years old when I first heard the word “hilarious”.  My cousin Jane said it to me when we were walking down the street on Long Beach Island one summer afternoon. Adults always had a tendency to speak to me like I was an adult, too, which I appreciated because that’s all I ever wanted to be.  She was telling me some story about her grandiose teenager life when she said how “hilarious” something was.  Hilarious. I heard it but didn’t know what it meant, but she laughed after she said it and I said nothing.  The story wasn’t that interesting.

Later my mother was sitting at the table while I ate lunch.  A family friend was sitting across from her telling some story that just made her laugh and laugh.  I thought his ability to make her laugh had to be the best quality any person could have.  There was a moment of silence and I took the opportunity to contribute to the conversation. I was only five so I didn’t have any stories to share that my mother didn’t already know. So I repeated Jane’s story.  I can remember the two of them listening to me as I went on and on about Jane’s life.  Then I said “hilarious”.  That was the end of my story. There was silence. My mother looked at me with her eyes blinking and suddenly burst into laughter.  Our family friend also howled and I felt like I was the most important person in the world.  Looking back I of course realize it wasn’t the story that was funny. It was a five year old saying the word hilarious.  Regardless I knew in that moment that being funny was everything to me.

We seek knowledge and we seek pleasure. A perfect way to find both of these things is to pick up a hobby. A “pass-time.” Unfortunately, with the state of our government and our incessant need to make as much money as possible, the only way many of us can find the time to pick up a “hobby” is by making it a profession.

 “Not only will I learn to knit- but I will knit 15 scarves THIS month and sell them as quickly as possible. This will allow me to buy more expensive yarn so I can charge higher prices and then I will be the kitting president of the universe!”

This is the sad state of affairs- but alas is very true. For me anyway.

I have wanted to learn about wine for about two years now. There are many alcoholic beverages one can choose from, and I always gravitate back to wine. There are several reasons for this.

One is price. If I am having friends over for dinner, wine can be a very inexpensive way to make the meal more festive and special, even if I’m serving spaghetti and iceberg lettuce. Ok, well, maybe that’s pushing it. My point is we associate wine with celebration. Plus it’s old. Wine has history. The people who make it specialize in certain grapes and pay attention to the details of their wine. If they don’t, those in the know, well… know! And that in any business can be a disaster.

Another reason I like wine is because it comes from the earth.  Grapes are full of antioxidants. Pyconogenol- a natural supplement from grape seeds- saved my uncle from loosing limbs from diabetes. Now I’m no doctor- so don’t go out and buy a vat of it and then blame me if it does nothing for you. All I’m saying is that he was loosing feeling in his limbs, someone suggested pycogenol and it changed his life.

Finally- it’s complex. When you go to buy wine there are a zillion varieties to choose from. A Shiraz in California will taste different that a Shiraz from Australia. Why is this? Dirt, rain, sky, bird poop. It all effects plants. Grapes. We as a society try to lasso the world of grapes into categories of wines so we can say we understand them. Truth is- grapes were here first and they’re going to taste however they please. We have to adjust.  I like that.

A little about me. I’m not rich. I don’t own on a vineyard. I don’t have a boat. These are all things I associate with wine connoisseurs. I am a woman who grew up in NYC. I was raised by a single mom- a writer/director/school teacher. She raised my sisters- a filmmaker/editor, a writer/stagehand, and me- an actress/comedian/director.  She told us to honor our art and be our own bosses.  We started a production company and make movies and produce theatre. We don’t have time for hobbies.

I didn’t drink a drop of alcohol until my Junior year of college. I thought that college kids and teens in general who drank were insecure and afraid to show who they really were.  I found out I was right, mostly.  I think once you’re an adult you are physically mature and wine can be good. Healthy for you somehow. When you’re still developing I feel like you should just be you. Awkward, pimply. Whatever. Just let it be. Whatever that means.

 When I decided to start to drink, what did I drink? Wine. BAD wine, and an anchovy pizza.  I’d never had either in my life, but in Jeremy Fahey's dorm room before the theatre department’s Halloween Party in 1991 at SUNY New Paltz I would have my first experience with wine.  I can remember drinking it like it was chocolate milk, guzzling it in between fishy bites of cheese bread.  When the low grade booze hit me the room began to spin and I couldn't stop laughing.  It was like I was posessed by a demon determined to soffocate me with non-stop laughter.  I could hardly catch my breath.  I don't remember much more that that, but let’s just say thank goodness for my friend Sigmund who drove me home in his jeep that night and held my hair back and told me I was pretty as I heaved in the commode in my underwear. If that’s not friendship I don’t know what is. 

The only thing I really went to school for was acting. I studied acting seriously for 10 years. I also went to school for real estate- but that was only two weeks. You mostly learn real estate by doing it. In fact that’s how I’ve learned most things. I learned to produce movies by doing it. I never had an extra $800 to blow on budgeting software- so I used good ol’ Excel, books, and the phone.  I called strangers in union halls to get rates for my budget. How much do you pay a gaffer? What is a gaffer? Who knew? I had to learn the old fashioned way. Figure it out!

So here I am learning about wine. In this moment I can safely say I know nothing. I was thinking about taking a class at a bartending school or maybe following around a wine distributor for a month. But here’s what I have learned from talking to people who sell wine for a living. Many of these people say what they were told-not what they "figured out"- so they’re going to say what they need to say for you to buy their wine:

ME- “This is delicious! It tastes like sneakers!”

THEM-“Yes! It is delicious! The sneaker aftertaste is what it’s known for. Would you like to buy a case?”

Then there are people with wine cellars who pride themselves on their deep knowledge of wine. They own hundreds of bottles of wine with all sorts of years printed on their labels. They know why these years are important.  I do not.  I also don’t know any these people-so there you have it.

You-like me- probably like wine. Maybe you love it. You wished you knew more- but don’t really have the time to learn about it. Maybe it seems like a snotty thing to know about. Maybe it is.  For me, the best method will be to learn through the wine I drink.  In this blog I will describe everything I can about each bottle or glass I consume.  When, where, and whom I’m drinking it with (This could get interesting!) What I don’t know- I’ll find out.  Whatever happens, by the end of this book we’ll know about wine. We’ll figure it out—together. One bottle at a time.

Billi Billi- Victoria Shiraz-2003

Price: $16.25 NYC

Packaging

Quote ”Life is art, drink it up.” I like the back label. This is apparently the “Billi Billi Collection” presented by Mount Langu Ghiran. It commemorates the Aboriginal Elder, King Billi Billi, who lived in the 1800’s where the grapes are now grown. Their philosophy is to produce Shiraz with estate fruit by a winery with real integrity that gives back to the community and the environment. Ok- I’ll buy that.

Green bottle. Simple white label with a picture of red grapes on the front. The type is simple. Twist off cap- no cork- the new rage in wines. Couldn’t twist it off easily, so I grabbed a knife to tear away to edges of the wrapping. Label was metal-wouldn’t budge. Started to get frustrated, so I tried prying the metal wrapping away with the knife. Cut my thumb. Not with the knife- on the wrapping. I was sad.

Food

A homemade veggie wrap…ok two.

           

Breathing Time

About 20 minutes. Seems excessive I know, but I dropped my dinner on the floor when I sat down. Sad again.

           

Company/Location

My dog Max, and my turtle Velvet. My living room, NYC

           

Time/Season

7:45pm- summer

First sip: Oaky. This is a new term I’ve picked up.  Before that I said “woody” or “barky” or “like I’m drinking a tree”.

Second sip: Spicy with a strong snap of alcohol as I swallow. Then- nothing. Not really an aftertaste. Can’t tell if I like that.

Third Sip: Smells like alcohol. Not that I find that bad- I’m just taking note.

Fourth Sip: I’m feeling it. This is probably not a bottle of wine one should consume alone.

Research:

Let’s Google King Billi Billi- how can we not?

           

Ok- my search takes me to a wine merchant’s website which gives me a little insight on this wine I’m drinking. First of all-King Billi Billi was a well respected Aboriginal chief, and occasional sheep rustler (he had a hobby), whom the creek adjacent to Mount Langi Ghiran is named after.  I can’t find any other info on the web about him besides this website- so who knows if this man was even real- but it makes the wine mysterious and I like that.

The wine is Australian. From The vineyards of Mount Langi Ghiran that are between two mountain ranges in Western Victoria. Pronounced "Mount Langee Jeeran", the name is Aboriginal for "Home of the Yellow-Tailed Black Cockatoo". These vineyards were planted in the 60’s- you gotta love that. The Fratin brothers planted Shriaz and sold the grapes to their neighbors. Everyone loved them so much these brothers decided to start making their own wine. There’s more history and then it says, “ Trevor Mast remains winemaker at Mount Langi Ghiran, where he utilizes traditional non-interventionist winemaking methods. “ Ok-what does THAT mean? Let’s email him!

“Dear Mr. Mast. I was reading a website about your wine and the history of the Mount Langi Ghiran vineyards. It says here that you “utilize non- interventionist winemaking methods”. Can you tell me what that means? I’m new to this whole wine thing.

Samantha “

No response.

Overall

Story

Awesome- who doesn’t love “chiefs” of any kind?  Aborigines are always cool to me because they remind me of the cool TV show I used to watch as a kid, Dot and The Kangaroo. It had scary music when the Aborigines showed up- but then they were nice to Dot so they were cool.

Taste

Good but not great. I have a feeling if I visited the winery the folks there would convince me it was the best wine that ever existed- but when buying it at my local liquor store I can’t say I’d get it again.

After Notes

You know what goes great with this wine about halfway through the bottle? A piece of multi grain toast with peanut butter on it.

Towards the end of the bottle- if you take your hand and crawl it around in a table-it looks like a boney spider.

In the end- yes I’ll admit- the “three second rule” applied regarding my dinner.