2. char-don-nay or Char-don-nay

n

1.              a white grape used for making wine

2.              a dry white wine made from the chardonnay grape

dry

adj

not  sweet because the sugar has been broken down during the

process of fermentation.

Encarta® World English Dictionary © 1999 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved. Developed for Microsoft by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc.

So it’s occurred to me that a person who wants to become an expert in wine is going to have to spend a pretty penny. I mean let’s face it, wine ain’t cheap. Even an $8 bottle of wine on a regular basis can put you in the poorhouse- and a twelve-step program. Although it just occurred to me, if I’m writing a book then this wine drinking becomes “research” which is therefore tax deductible AND justifiable right? Oh yeah baby.

Regardless, in order to learn about wine I need to get my hands on some wine. Lot’s of it.  Once again- let’s google!

While searching for wineries in the US I came upon a website with a directory of wineries in each state. Guess what? There’s a TON of them! I guess grapes are a pretty lucrative business. I decide to narrow things down to just New York State. Why? Because that’s where I live and I know there are some excellent wineries upstate near my college. Or so I’ve heard. I don’t have any idea what makes a winery excellent. A good health plan? So, I decided to send the same email to each winery to get the ball rolling. Here’s what I said:

Hi! My name is Samantha Jones. I am an actress/comedian based in NYC. I am writing a book about my experience learning about wine. It will be a serious how to/memoir of how I’m actually learning about wine with a VERY humorous slant on the whole thing.  I am looking to the wine community to teach me what they think I should know about wine.  Part of my research in contacting wineries, such as yours. If you'd like to participate, I would love it! What I need is a wine you would like me to try and write about. Include any literature you have on the wine along with the area in which the grapes are grown. Then if you would give me a fact about wine you think any "wine lover" should know. Ill document my experience with the wine including where I drink it, who with, the season, the food which accompanies it.

This is a really exciting project and Id love it if your winery participated.

More information about me can be found on my web site www.doramae.com I’m an award winning actress and comedian. My credits include MTV, Comedy Central, etc.

If you'd like to participate, let me know and Ill give you my address to send the wine and literature.

Samantha Jones

Ok- straightforward enough- right? I don’t want to say too much, like I’ve never written a book before or I don’t have a book deal or anything. Just let them wonder a bit. Hopefully I’ll hear back from some groovy grape dudes and dudettes.

Ok- here’s the thing about drinking at a bar alone. I enjoy it. Now, one might say, “Oooh that’s bad! Drinking alone at a bar”. It can be- 11 drinks later. But when you want A glass of wine. A glass of wine in a social setting. A social setting you aren’t necessarily a part of. One you can observe if perhaps you are an avid “people watcher”, such as myself. A glass of wine, alone, in a bar- is ok. Such as it was- THIS evening.

I was on my way home from a dress rehearsal for this insane tumbling show at Lincoln Center. My sister is a stagehand- a feat in itself. Being a woman that is, and it’s a “day job”. She’s a writer. She got my mother and I tickets to this dress rehearsal.

It was something. The show started with 2 people falling from the ceiling, flat on their faces onto a mat on the stage. In all honesty for me that was all I needed to give them a standing ovation and go home. But instead I was treated to 2 more hours of equally insane acrobatics. Not bad for a price of zero.

I decided to take the long way home and as I was coming uptown I thought I would have a nice glass of wine at my local bar and go home. For some reason this feels taboo to me- which makes me secretly obsess over it. What is it about wine, darn it! Is it just me- or does the world act like wine is like water- natural- but secretly thinks they’re doing something incredibly out of character when they drink it? Maybe I’m paranoid.

Anyway- when one goes to a bar alone, and sits at the bar, everything is in Technicolor. I was dressed nicely, but not like I was looking for a wild night with Mr. Wrong. I sat at the bar alone- a couple of people took note of me. This made me take out my Blackberry and pretend I was writing email. Goodness! Don’t let these people think you’re just here to have a drink! A woman showed up- dressed as a young woman. Sexy. Alluring. The bartender liked this. I think he particularly like that she ordered a Sidecar, as opposed to my lame glass of Shiraz. Which, by the way, I’m not going to review because it was lame and $8. A rip off. Restaurants do this.  The sell $8 bottles of wine for $8 a glass because most people don’t know any better. I’ve waited tables, can you tell?

Anyway, she enjoyed her Sidecar with her friend, who also had a Sidecar, and I enjoyed my Shiraz. Or rather, I enjoyed being alone, at a bar. Sue me.

Here’s what’s cool. While checking email on my Blackberry, I got response to my email. I’m shocked! One vineyard said he’d check with his press people. Ok. That sounds likes something I might do in the same scenario. Another woman emailed me the history of her family including her children’s life ambitions- just so I’d know. She’s going to get back to me once she picks a wine. Then I got this:

Well Hello Samantha,
  Macari Vineyards is interested in having you include Macari Vineyard Wine in your book. We will be sending out a bottle of our 2005 Early Wine to you upon receipt of a New York Shipping address. Has the book been sold yet? Thought maybe you were having a party and just needed some wine. (Only kidding)
All the best,
Barbara
Macari Vineyards

Ok, this bottle won’t be drunk alone.

Macari Vineyards- Early Wine- Chardonnay-2005

Price: $0- Sent to my by the winemaker

Packaging

Lime green label. Cool font! Sort of old English looking. Reminds me of a type you might find on a bottle of mead.

On the back label they list:

Harvested: September 22, 2005

Bottled: November 2, 2005

Released: November 5, 2005

Produced: 633 cases

Winemaker: Helmut Gangl

Ok how cool is that!? A little history of this actual bottle I’m drinking. Plus I see how efficient they are in their business. Plus someone’s name is printed on it! That’s how proud they are of their work. This wine is ok to put in me. They are willing to sign on that.

Food

None

           

Breathing Time

About 5 minutes. It’s been a stressful day.

           

Company/Location

My dog Max, and my turtle Velvet. My living room. Texted my friend Christina to come over and try it. She’ll love it. I’m waiting to hear back.  I met Christina about 3 months ago when I started waiting tables for extra cash. She was a hostess at the time and within a week was a manager. She’s a beautiful southern blond with blue eyes and a hearty laugh. I like that in a gal pal. A great laugh. I hate working in restaurants, but Christina made a point of saying how proud she was of me all the time. I guess I’m a good team player when it comes to waiting tables. In truth, I’m like this because I don’t want anyone to yell at me.  Its hard enough serving people.  If you’re reading this and have never worked in a restaurant here’s some advice:

A-   Don’t fool yourself into thinking any restaurant isn’t bug infested.  I promise you-they all are. This is the price you pay for having someone else make your dinner.

B-   Nobody wants to serve you dinner. It’s degrading. Tip well even if the service stinks. It’s good karma.  The goal when going out to dinner is to eat. If you’ve done that consider it a job well done.

C-   Be kind to people who work in restaurants.  Don’t be a snot.  It will get you nothing except passive aggressing restaurant clientele spitting in your food. Trust me, I’ve seen it.  If you’re cool they’ll do everything they can to get you to come back again.  Make restaurant people feel proud about their work.  Or stay home.

           

Time/Season

8:01pm- summer

*** NEWS FLASH! Christina just arrived. She got my message and rushed over.***

Christina:  “Ok so Sam texted me for some wine- free wine-ummm- YES! Then I walked over-ok ran- I found Miss Universe on Sam’s TV. Uh-hmmm? This wine will be good for these girls. It looks low in calories. Ok-about me… I manage a New York restaurant. It’s a very well known seafood restaurant in Manhattan’s Upper West Side- Docks. I know nothing about wine- well I know I like to drink it. I’m learning so much at work I don’t really know the “fancy” wine words yet, but I’m learning. Like “oaky”. That seems to be a big word”.

Ok Christina- let’s taste this wine!

Sam’s First sip: Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet! Lemon and limey! Clean clear. Fresh water. Thirst quenching.

Christina’s First sip: A lot of taste, but not what I was expecting. Very fruity?

Sam’s Second sip: Man- this is a light but full wine. Rolls down my throat. Lightly crafted.

Christina’s Second sip: Almost non-alcoholic. Very light feeling, summery if you will.

Sam’s Third Sip: Virtually no smell. A little carbonation I think.

Christina’s Third sip: Still confused but I’m really excited about my 4^th gulp. I tried to sip. It wasn’t really working.

Sam’s Fourth Sip: Man- this is amazing. Great for a dinner party. Social and lively.

Christina’s Fourth sip: I swished and still was expecting something different, but really liked it- just odd.

Christina’s Packaging Review: I used to hate the color green, but it’s growing on me.  So all there is to say is the color of the wrapper is pretty. The writing is beautiful and eye catching. I like it!

Research:

Ok- per my request- the vineyard sent me some information on the wine. This is a 100% Chardonnay. It was picked early and steel fermented which give sit an “apple-y tart” taste. Exactly!  I’m not sure about the steel fermenting process- let’s email them and ask…

Barb-

Ok this wine is KILLER! I’m reviewing it right now. Can you tell me what the "steel fermenting" process is? I'd like to include it in the book. The tart apple taste is just incredible!

Samantha

Hey Samantha,

This is the scoop, the grapes were harvested early, before they had reached full ripeness, hence the tart apple flavor.  The wine was fermented in Stainless Steel Tanks, which preserves the crispness and cleanness of the fruit, for 7 days.  The tanks were then refrigerated to stop fermentation and "kill off" the active yeast cells, thereby preserving the remaining sugar in the juice.  This is what gives this wine the contradiction of flavors, tart apple with just a hint of residual sweetness.  Hope this helps you out

Have a great day,

Barb

The Estate

The Macari family has owned the property on the North Fork of Long Island for almost 40 years. In 1994 they selected a special portion of it for the Marcari estate. The vineyard was identified as the perfect place to grown wine grapes. They compost, cover crop and nourish it.

On the pamphlet they sent it says:

“Their approach to viticulture is characterized by an uncompromised focus on fruit quality and balanced yield, evidenced by close vine spacing and tireless nurturing of the vines and the soil that bring it to life”.

Overall

Story

Sam: Tireless. That’s the word that jumped out at me. I get tireless. This wine is worth every unexhausted moment.

Christina: So the people describe this wine as quaffable. What is that? I mean would the average person know what you were talking about? I mean, use fruity or pick a fruit to describe it. But quaffa…whatever. I think I need more wine.

Taste

Sam: Need I say this again. UNREAL!

Christina: I would have this with brie cheese- yes this makes me want cheese.  Good summer wine in Central Park with friends.

After Notes

Sam: This wine is on the top of my list. I think it’s incredible how stimulating my conversation with Christina was about this wine- and of course the Miss Universe pageant. Some wines chill you out. Lower the energy in the room. This one encouraged sparkling conversation.

Christina: I’m craving something salty. Maybe it’s that brie cheese…or a salty cracker. Let’s order pizza!

So we did.

1. Shi-raz

Shi-raz 
n 
A black grape, grown mainly in Australia and South Africa, used for making red wine. 
Encarta® World English Dictionary © 1999 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved. Developed for Microsoft by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc.

Life leads you. You’re born and instantly all of these events and people come into your life which lead you down path or another. For me, it was making people laugh. 

I was five years old when I first heard the word “hilarious”.  My cousin Jane said it to me when we were walking down the street on Long Beach Island one summer afternoon. Adults always had a tendency to speak to me like I was an adult, too, which I appreciated because that’s all I ever wanted to be.  She was telling me some story about her grandiose teenager life when she said how “hilarious” something was.  Hilarious. I heard it but didn’t know what it meant, but she laughed after she said it and I said nothing.  The story wasn’t that interesting.

Later my mother was sitting at the table while I ate lunch.  A family friend was sitting across from her telling some story that just made her laugh and laugh.  I thought his ability to make her laugh had to be the best quality any person could have.  There was a moment of silence and I took the opportunity to contribute to the conversation. I was only five so I didn’t have any stories to share that my mother didn’t already know. So I repeated Jane’s story.  I can remember the two of them listening to me as I went on and on about Jane’s life.  Then I said “hilarious”.  That was the end of my story. There was silence. My mother looked at me with her eyes blinking and suddenly burst into laughter.  Our family friend also howled and I felt like I was the most important person in the world.  Looking back I of course realize it wasn’t the story that was funny. It was a five year old saying the word hilarious.  Regardless I knew in that moment that being funny was everything to me.

We seek knowledge and we seek pleasure. A perfect way to find both of these things is to pick up a hobby. A “pass-time.” Unfortunately, with the state of our government and our incessant need to make as much money as possible, the only way many of us can find the time to pick up a “hobby” is by making it a profession.

 “Not only will I learn to knit- but I will knit 15 scarves THIS month and sell them as quickly as possible. This will allow me to buy more expensive yarn so I can charge higher prices and then I will be the kitting president of the universe!”

This is the sad state of affairs- but alas is very true. For me anyway.

I have wanted to learn about wine for about two years now. There are many alcoholic beverages one can choose from, and I always gravitate back to wine. There are several reasons for this.

One is price. If I am having friends over for dinner, wine can be a very inexpensive way to make the meal more festive and special, even if I’m serving spaghetti and iceberg lettuce. Ok, well, maybe that’s pushing it. My point is we associate wine with celebration. Plus it’s old. Wine has history. The people who make it specialize in certain grapes and pay attention to the details of their wine. If they don’t, those in the know, well… know! And that in any business can be a disaster.

Another reason I like wine is because it comes from the earth.  Grapes are full of antioxidants. Pyconogenol- a natural supplement from grape seeds- saved my uncle from loosing limbs from diabetes. Now I’m no doctor- so don’t go out and buy a vat of it and then blame me if it does nothing for you. All I’m saying is that he was loosing feeling in his limbs, someone suggested pycogenol and it changed his life.

Finally- it’s complex. When you go to buy wine there are a zillion varieties to choose from. A Shiraz in California will taste different that a Shiraz from Australia. Why is this? Dirt, rain, sky, bird poop. It all effects plants. Grapes. We as a society try to lasso the world of grapes into categories of wines so we can say we understand them. Truth is- grapes were here first and they’re going to taste however they please. We have to adjust.  I like that.

A little about me. I’m not rich. I don’t own on a vineyard. I don’t have a boat. These are all things I associate with wine connoisseurs. I am a woman who grew up in NYC. I was raised by a single mom- a writer/director/school teacher. She raised my sisters- a filmmaker/editor, a writer/stagehand, and me- an actress/comedian/director.  She told us to honor our art and be our own bosses.  We started a production company and make movies and produce theatre. We don’t have time for hobbies.

I didn’t drink a drop of alcohol until my Junior year of college. I thought that college kids and teens in general who drank were insecure and afraid to show who they really were.  I found out I was right, mostly.  I think once you’re an adult you are physically mature and wine can be good. Healthy for you somehow. When you’re still developing I feel like you should just be you. Awkward, pimply. Whatever. Just let it be. Whatever that means.

 When I decided to start to drink, what did I drink? Wine. BAD wine, and an anchovy pizza.  I’d never had either in my life, but in Jeremy Fahey's dorm room before the theatre department’s Halloween Party in 1991 at SUNY New Paltz I would have my first experience with wine.  I can remember drinking it like it was chocolate milk, guzzling it in between fishy bites of cheese bread.  When the low grade booze hit me the room began to spin and I couldn't stop laughing.  It was like I was posessed by a demon determined to soffocate me with non-stop laughter.  I could hardly catch my breath.  I don't remember much more that that, but let’s just say thank goodness for my friend Sigmund who drove me home in his jeep that night and held my hair back and told me I was pretty as I heaved in the commode in my underwear. If that’s not friendship I don’t know what is. 

The only thing I really went to school for was acting. I studied acting seriously for 10 years. I also went to school for real estate- but that was only two weeks. You mostly learn real estate by doing it. In fact that’s how I’ve learned most things. I learned to produce movies by doing it. I never had an extra $800 to blow on budgeting software- so I used good ol’ Excel, books, and the phone.  I called strangers in union halls to get rates for my budget. How much do you pay a gaffer? What is a gaffer? Who knew? I had to learn the old fashioned way. Figure it out!

So here I am learning about wine. In this moment I can safely say I know nothing. I was thinking about taking a class at a bartending school or maybe following around a wine distributor for a month. But here’s what I have learned from talking to people who sell wine for a living. Many of these people say what they were told-not what they "figured out"- so they’re going to say what they need to say for you to buy their wine:

ME- “This is delicious! It tastes like sneakers!”

THEM-“Yes! It is delicious! The sneaker aftertaste is what it’s known for. Would you like to buy a case?”

Then there are people with wine cellars who pride themselves on their deep knowledge of wine. They own hundreds of bottles of wine with all sorts of years printed on their labels. They know why these years are important.  I do not.  I also don’t know any these people-so there you have it.

You-like me- probably like wine. Maybe you love it. You wished you knew more- but don’t really have the time to learn about it. Maybe it seems like a snotty thing to know about. Maybe it is.  For me, the best method will be to learn through the wine I drink.  In this blog I will describe everything I can about each bottle or glass I consume.  When, where, and whom I’m drinking it with (This could get interesting!) What I don’t know- I’ll find out.  Whatever happens, by the end of this book we’ll know about wine. We’ll figure it out—together. One bottle at a time.

Billi Billi- Victoria Shiraz-2003

Price: $16.25 NYC

Packaging

Quote ”Life is art, drink it up.” I like the back label. This is apparently the “Billi Billi Collection” presented by Mount Langu Ghiran. It commemorates the Aboriginal Elder, King Billi Billi, who lived in the 1800’s where the grapes are now grown. Their philosophy is to produce Shiraz with estate fruit by a winery with real integrity that gives back to the community and the environment. Ok- I’ll buy that.

Green bottle. Simple white label with a picture of red grapes on the front. The type is simple. Twist off cap- no cork- the new rage in wines. Couldn’t twist it off easily, so I grabbed a knife to tear away to edges of the wrapping. Label was metal-wouldn’t budge. Started to get frustrated, so I tried prying the metal wrapping away with the knife. Cut my thumb. Not with the knife- on the wrapping. I was sad.

Food

A homemade veggie wrap…ok two.

           

Breathing Time

About 20 minutes. Seems excessive I know, but I dropped my dinner on the floor when I sat down. Sad again.

           

Company/Location

My dog Max, and my turtle Velvet. My living room, NYC

           

Time/Season

7:45pm- summer

First sip: Oaky. This is a new term I’ve picked up.  Before that I said “woody” or “barky” or “like I’m drinking a tree”.

Second sip: Spicy with a strong snap of alcohol as I swallow. Then- nothing. Not really an aftertaste. Can’t tell if I like that.

Third Sip: Smells like alcohol. Not that I find that bad- I’m just taking note.

Fourth Sip: I’m feeling it. This is probably not a bottle of wine one should consume alone.

Research:

Let’s Google King Billi Billi- how can we not?

           

Ok- my search takes me to a wine merchant’s website which gives me a little insight on this wine I’m drinking. First of all-King Billi Billi was a well respected Aboriginal chief, and occasional sheep rustler (he had a hobby), whom the creek adjacent to Mount Langi Ghiran is named after.  I can’t find any other info on the web about him besides this website- so who knows if this man was even real- but it makes the wine mysterious and I like that.

The wine is Australian. From The vineyards of Mount Langi Ghiran that are between two mountain ranges in Western Victoria. Pronounced "Mount Langee Jeeran", the name is Aboriginal for "Home of the Yellow-Tailed Black Cockatoo". These vineyards were planted in the 60’s- you gotta love that. The Fratin brothers planted Shriaz and sold the grapes to their neighbors. Everyone loved them so much these brothers decided to start making their own wine. There’s more history and then it says, “ Trevor Mast remains winemaker at Mount Langi Ghiran, where he utilizes traditional non-interventionist winemaking methods. “ Ok-what does THAT mean? Let’s email him!

“Dear Mr. Mast. I was reading a website about your wine and the history of the Mount Langi Ghiran vineyards. It says here that you “utilize non- interventionist winemaking methods”. Can you tell me what that means? I’m new to this whole wine thing.

Samantha “

No response.

Overall

Story

Awesome- who doesn’t love “chiefs” of any kind?  Aborigines are always cool to me because they remind me of the cool TV show I used to watch as a kid, Dot and The Kangaroo. It had scary music when the Aborigines showed up- but then they were nice to Dot so they were cool.

Taste

Good but not great. I have a feeling if I visited the winery the folks there would convince me it was the best wine that ever existed- but when buying it at my local liquor store I can’t say I’d get it again.

After Notes

You know what goes great with this wine about halfway through the bottle? A piece of multi grain toast with peanut butter on it.

Towards the end of the bottle- if you take your hand and crawl it around in a table-it looks like a boney spider.

In the end- yes I’ll admit- the “three second rule” applied regarding my dinner.